So next month I turn twenty-one. Everyone makes a big deal about that; about the twenty-first birthday. They say its the official age of being an REAL adult (whatever that means) and there is all this fuss made.
Well, turning twenty-one sounds all fine and dandy to me but that isn't to overlook the last twenty years. I have learned so much from in variety of different ways. Church, family, friends, mistakes, victories, and of course the hardest way one can learn a lesson; experience. This obviously isn't everything I've ever learned, just a big messy wad of the ones I think are the most important. Some serious some not so serious, some that just need to be said. On some I've put scripture with that has helped me through the years. I don't have a super long fancy intro or anything spectacular so here it is; twenty lessons I have learned in twenty years:
1. You need Christ in your life.
Plain and simple. I put this first for a reason. It is the only lesson that goes in order of its' importance but this is because your relationship with Christ has to come first in your life above everything else. If you do this, everything else will fall into place. You have to understand that you aren't perfect, you never have been, you never will be, and it is pointless trying. But Christ came, lived a perfect life on Earth, was crucified on a cross and died to pay the price that would allow us into Heaven to be with God. Then, he rose again and defeated death. If you want to live a life here on Earth for Christ and want to live with Him in Heaven someday, you have pray to God admitting your sin and imperfection so He can give you His everlasting, unconditional love and mercy. You can never be too far out of His reach, you can never have done to much that He can't forgive you.
John 3:16; Romans 3:23, 5:8, 6:23, 10:19
2. It's okay not to feel the way everyone else thinks you should.
So many people are afraid to say how they feel being they believe that it isn't the "right" way to feel. The truth is, there is no "wrong" way to feel. Your feelings are totally up to you and no one else so don't let others be in charge of them. Everyone thinks and reacts differently to situations, and therefore feels differently. The only way to be wrong is if you aren't being genuine with yourself.
3. "The richest place on Earth is the graveyard"
This is a quote I heard a few days ago. His point was that the graveyard is where some of the most talented actors, singers, and athletes that no one has ever heard of are. It is where the greatest inventions and philosophies are. It is where the most brilliant minds are now lay. They being held captive in those who were once too afraid, too ashamed, too discouraged and put down by others to have ever used those gifts and have shared them with the world. They are now buried forever. It is so sad. We will never know what we have missed out on. All we can do is learn from their mistakes. Don't let that be you. Don't let others tell you you're dreams, hopes, and goals are impossible. Their hard hearts are scarred from life's experiences and others telling them the same thing. But those kind of people don't really believe that. Life has trained them to say it but deep down there is still a child-like faith that wants you to go out and achieve that dream. They want you to prove them wrong so that their hopes can be restored too.
4. Don't ever be okay with complacency.
This ties in with the last one. There are so many people out there that settle for mediocrity. I don't mean materialistically, I mean about your life. There is a difference between being happy with what you have and being complacent and comfortable with your life. Comfort isn't good. Comfort means you stopped pushing yourself to become who you wanted to be and settled for something easier instead. Don't settle for unaccomplished dreams, a lukewarm relationship with Christ, mediocre friendships or relationships, or living in a place you don't want to be. Don't be like everyone else. You don't fit in because you weren't meant to. You aren't supposed to be like everyone else! Push yourself to be the person you always wanted to be. It's never too late!
Revelation 3:16 (about being a lukewarm Christian); Romans 12:2
5. You haven't truly discovered what your life is about until you have discovered that it is really about everyone else.
Serving others is why were are here. To reach out and lend a helping hand. To love everyone around us as Christ loves us. We all have different gifts that we can use to offer the world something that is so unique that if you don't do it no one else can. You weren't put here to live for you. My grandma used to always say something along the lines of "You know in the end people are all you've really got. So you better take care of them." She couldn't have been more right. Always value people, it will keep your heart full of love.
1 Peter 4:10; Mark 12:31; John 13:34-35
6. Sometimes you need people in front of you to lead and sometimes you need them behind you to support. Either way, you need them.
God didn't put billions of people on this Earth so you could keep to yourself and live a life of solitude. He put them here because we are social creatures and it is healthy for us to interact. Sometimes its hard to let others help or use them for support. We get this idea in our head that it makes us weak. That isn't true though. Everyone needs someone sometimes. This could be physically needing their help or emotionally. Did you know that when you are hugged your body releases a hormone called oxytocin? It is a hormone that lowers the heart rate and calms you down. It also stops cortisol from being released which is a hormone that raises the heart rate, blood pressure, and makes you feel stressed out. Our bodies were literally designed by the perfect Creator to react positively to interactions with others. You need people rather you are willing to recognize it or not.
1 Thessalonians 5:11
7. "The windshield is bigger than the rearview mirror for a reason."
The metaphor of this quote is that where you are going is so much more important than where you have been. Your windshield lets you see what is coming (your future) while the rearview mirror tells you what is behind you (your past). It is important to check your rearview mirror because it shows you what you have already been through and can remind you or lessons you have already learn. But everyone knows that you can't just stare into it otherwise you will run yourself right off the road. The same is to be said for if you try to live in your past you will ruin what is in store for you in the future. We have a rearview mirror because it provides useful knowledge, because there is value in the past, but in comparison to the windshield it is so small. It is worth having but not everything.
Jeremiah 29:11; Isaiah 59:1
8. Being fearless is not the same as being brave.
Being "fearless" is literally one of the dumbest things I have heard. It is an impossible, ridiculous, worthless myth of a characteristic that stems from the greek word "atròmitos" which means literally means fearless (or dauntless for all you Divergent fans out there). The fact of that matter is that we have fear to save us; to make us realize how much we need God. None of us are fearless because none of us are God. Fear is one of my biggest struggles in life so this is a big lesson for me. Isaiah 41:10 is my absolute favorite bible verse. It says "Do not be fear for I am with you; do not be afraid for I am your God. I will strength you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." God knew that we are going to have fears which is exactly why He provided this verse. My 'Gloria' translation is this; "Hey, I know you are scared but listen, I'm God and I've got this. Trust me, if I am with you, you've got nothing to worry about! I love you so much that I am going to take care of everything for you. Just relax". We are meek, fearful, and imperfect but for some God has unlimited love and mercy for. If you don't have Christ, you have everything to fear. If you do have Him, you have the highest level of security with you at all times and nothing to fear. Not death, not man, not the devil, not one thing. He doesn't promise everything will be all sunshine and roses but He does promise that in the end, you will be okay because you are HIS child and in HIS hand and there is nothing more powerful than the Almighty, Living God.
So with that comes the question: "When I become a Christian does this mean I be fearless?". Nope. You will still have fears because you're still not perfect. What it does mean is that when you realize fear is creeping in you can say "I am not fearless but my God is and through HIM I am brave and can face those fears and put them to rest". When that happens, fear will have no choice but to run and hide in the presents of His light. Being brave isn't about being strong; it's about being weak and having a strong God. You just have to be able to admit that you can't but God can.
Isaiah 41:10-13; Isaiah 35:4; Daniel 10:19
9. There are some things you can compromise quality on. Coffee is not one of those things.
This is one of the most real things I've ever said. You can't cheap out on coffee, it is just completely the wrong place to cut corners and leads to nothing but disappointment and unhappiness. Enough said.
Oddly enough, this isn't in the bible. It turns out God has much more important things to talk about but I still think it is something everyone should be aware of.
10. Getting through a trail makes you strong, sharing them makes you stronger.
We have all had to go through things that, at the time, seemed unbearable. Experiences change and mold people based on how they got through them. When you come out of the battle, battered and scarred feeling like you barely made it out alive; hold you head out because you did it! Then share your story of victory with others. You have no idea how your story can help and encourage others who are going through similar things. God can use that for you to shine your light on others but only if you let Him. It is so hard, but you have got to open up to others.
Psalms 66:16; 2 Timothy 1:8; Luke 8:39
11. "Opportunities don't just come, they are made."
Everyone has heard this one. "Don't wait for your dreams to come to you go out and get them". It is one of those things we all hear so much that they lose value. This one is so worth giving another chance and analyzing though! As you can tell I am really being on the "Go get 'em" mentality. This post comes back to chasing ambitions a lot. I'm not trying to be cliché or say it because I know that is the positive, happy attitude we should all have; I really believe in pursuing dreams and I think it is so sad more people don't. So go out, get that opportunity, make the most of it and make it yours!
Ephesians 5:16
12. Some people will fight harder to get you than to keep you. Those aren't the ones you want.
We have all "talked" to that person that says whatever to get you, rather it is be your friend, to get you to like them, whatever. The point is that someone's name just popped into your mind. You don't want people that work super hard to get you and then once they have you it is like you went from being the last diamond on Earth to penny that doesn't even hold the worth it's supposed to. Don't put up with that. Wait for someone that will find ways to show you that he or she cares every single day. Not because they feel obligated to but because they want to, because they care so much it comes naturally for them to make you happy.
13. Stop blaming God.
It is a funny thing. We tend to get upset with God (as if we ever have the right) when He doesn't give us what we want and when He does, we mess it up anyways. Then we are upset with Him for giving it to us at the "wrong time" (as if God's timing is ever wrong) because we didn't think we were ready for something so good. Oh, and when we realize its' gone, we are mad about that too all the while we blame God for messing it all up. Um, woah. Back up, reality check, this is was not God's fault and the blame shifting game? Yeah, that's gotta stop. He is the all-knowing, omnipotent Lord and I'm over here thinking "what the heck? why did you let that happen?". Seriously, He created all of the universe and has kept it going for quite some time now, no thanks to us I might add, and I'm sitting here doubting if He can handle the littlest details of my life. Honestly? Who do I even think I am doubting God. He's GOD! At this point in my stubbornness I've still yet to even consider the fact that I am the one who messed everything up. Maybe it was all supposed to happen for a purpose that I just don't know yet and God is piecing it all back together because even though I am acting so despicable towards Him, He still loves me. Maybe He needed to teach me a simple, foundational lesson I have to learn in order to have a growing relationship with Him; trust. Maybe He needed me to know that despite my past, present, or future circumstance, actions, attitude, or location God has a plan and it is perfect. Maybe I should trust His plan and abandon my own. Maybe I should stop praying for what I want and start praying for what He wants and actually mean it.
James 1:13-18; Proverbs 3:5
14. "Say what you need to say."
Yes, I just quoted John Meyer. Yes, you should take a break and sing that little part of the chorus to yourself for a second because, let's be honest, that is the only part anyone really knows of that song anyway. Okay, did you sing? Good. Now this is concept is straightforward and simple but the action of actually doing it is really difficult. I'm still working on this one. Now I am really good at telling people the truth and being honest with my opinions but when I have to share deep feelings I about as direct as presidential candidates in a political debate right before election day. I dance around what is really asked and to hint at what I mean but never say it. I never, EVER want to be the first one to say something. That isn't any good though. There are so many things I would say if I had the courage too. I'm not reluctant because they are mean things, I hold back because I'm not sure how the other person will react. It's a hard thing to explain but anyone who feels this way knows exactly what I am talking about. We are the people that run conversations in our head over and over that we only dream of ever actually saying, unless of course, the other person brings it up first. Those conversations always happen with those you aren't quite sure were you stand with. Either way, its a tough lesson to learn and apply.
15. Stop being a "justifier".
My best friend, Ellie, and I joke about this all the time! You know what I am talking about. "Should we eat this whole bowl of popcorn?" "Yeah! It's only corn and oil with a little salt! We even popped it fresh! It's particularly like eating air so why shouldn't we eat it all?". Next thing you know you feel like you have a popcorn monster inside your stomach trying to claw its' way out (that was a bit graphic. My apologies). Anyways, not good. Sometimes it's about silly things like popcorn snacking habits but sometimes it is things that are detrimental to who we are. They are lead to a slippery slope of being who you can to be and becoming someone you despise.
Romans 3:20
16. "God doesn't move, you do".
My pastor, Cory Snyder, had a message on this once. He was saying that when you realize the big mess you are in and then look up only to find that you have drifted way further away from God than you have had originally thought, it isn't' God who drifted. It isn't God that forgets to talk to Him, read His bible, or attend church. Isn't God that only half-heartedly loves and runs from the things He is called to do. It's us. We do all those things. We turn our backs on a God that loves us dearly just to be torn down by a world that wants to destroy us. It makes no sense but nonetheless we all do it. Luckily, no matter how far we go, its never to far to go back. He is only a prayer away.
Luke 15:11-32
17. The world is a dark place. You can be apart of that darkness or shine in it but you can't be neutral.
There is so much darkness in the world and so little light. It is corrupt with evil and hatred and people walk around here hanging their heads with gloomy expressions engraved on their faces. Like I said, you can be apart of that darkness or you can be a light. This doesn't mean you go through life thinking it's a fairytale and pretending everything is fine. It actually means the opposite. It means you are so in tune with people's hurt and sorrow that leaves them in darkness that you channel it in, make it your own, and shine as brightly as you can to destroy ever shadow that surrounds them. It is hard and draining and can't be done if you aren't constantly asking God to restore you. Now I say you can't be neutral because if you aren't defeating darkness by being a light, then you are still living in it. Just because you aren't directly contributing doesn't mean you aren't still doing damage.
Mathew 5:14-16
18. Finding people you don't feel like you have to pretend around is truly rare. Don't take them for granted.
It's rare and it's scary. It means letting your walls all crumble and letting that person know everything about you; even the worst and craziest parts. They are those people that when you say the strangest things don't look at you like you belong in a mental institute but rather join in with you and add to the madness. You can laugh, talk, share stories of heartache, confusion, mistakes, victories, and odd facts with all while playing with your food or wearing strange, mismatched clothes because you know they won't judge you for them. They are the people you feel like you can "dance like nobody's watching" in front because they will laugh or possibly be beside you doing the same. They inspire you to try new things. And when you say "Oh my gosh, this is so disgusting. Try it.", for whatever reason, they do, and they think it's nasty too (Allie). Or maybe you actually tell them it's good to trick them to eat it, but they are still your friend after (so sorry Ellie). They make you laugh even on your worst days because they can read you so well they know exactly what to do to make everything better again. Mostly importantly, they are someone that see a light in you that uniquely belongs to you and believes in you maybe even more than you believe in yourself sometimes. They see your potential and it inspires you want to be better today than you were yesterday. They remind you that there is a reason to try, that there is something more out there than just being content with the way you are. People like that sound so incredible but it is so terrifying letting them in. What makes it so hard is that you could be letting in a "Trojan Horse" or someone incredible with the risk losing them someday. Fear causes us to do crazy things like drive away the people we want in our lives most. But whether its a family member, a friend, or a significant other, treasure that relationship because it is priceless. Try with everything in you not to let fear of potential loss or hurt make you run away because if you do they may not let you come running back. It is hard lesson to learn that some people are just worth the risk of being hurt by for the sake of having them in your life now. Some of these people will be there from the start, some with come to you late in life. Some you may lose for good, some may come back in your life, or some will be constant throughout. If you are lucky, you build that relationship when you're young and its easier to let people in because you haven't been fooled by imposters so many times. You get to meet them in the fourth grade when your moms make you be friends and sit together on the bus because you are both pathetic and they don't believe you can make on your own. Then, by the grace of God, it all works out perfectly and you have the best friend a girl could ever ask (Ellie:]).
19. Live a life that if the whole world was blind, everyone would still think you are absolutely show-stopping, breath-takingly, stunningly beautiful.
Looks fade over time but personality only shine brighter. Decide now what personality you want to portray to the world because you can't live one life today and expect to turn it all around over night and live a new one when you get older. You want to be an encourager in the workplace; start encouraging now. You want to be a good wife or husband; learn to be loving and patient now. You want to be be a strong believer and follower of Christ; practice being quiet in the presents of God so that you can hear Him now. There is no time like the present to get rolling on those things. Form those habits now so you can become person over time.
1 Peter 3:4
20. Every once and awhile, take time to reflect.
Sometimes you get so caught up in what you're in that you forget your role in life and who (or Who's) you really are. Separating yourself from your life to look at it through the eyes of someone else and doing an honest evaluation of where you are can help far more than you may have realized. Pulling in a trustworthy outsider (maybe someone that fits the description of lesson 18) can be really good too. Those close friends and family you trust to be honest and real are an invaluable resource for helping you stay grounded in you are or becoming who you want to be.
There you have it. Twenty Lessons. Twenty Years.
With Love,
Gloria
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